merch... i want merch...
june 3, 2023
content warnings: none
summary: got a paper to do, reminisced my first anime convention, excited to find and get official noragami merchandise, and ranted about my parents. also it's been one year since i created this site!
i got a paper due by september... lol. i couldnt finish it by the deadline during final exams and i would of failed—and i already accepted that. wouldnt mind retaking it though, i wasnt as upset as i thought bc i did enjoy the class a lot. i felt like i wouldnt do well on the paper the past months bc of the work from other classes. so i didnt work on it at all, and that hurted cuz i like the topic i chose to write on.
my prof didnt want me to fail the class though, and decided to let me work on the paper throughout the summer. wow, isnt that nice? i didnt see that coming.
i found out my irl friends attended an anime convention recently. nowadays im not interested in going to a con other than buying merch from artists. i dont think id find merch i would like there now, since im pretty sure almost everything that will be put up are on current popular stuff im not into. i definitely dont think there'd be anything noragami T__T. speaking of merch... and noragami..... i found a service that allows me to get official noragami merch from overseas. IM SOO ECSTATIC OK. I WAS DEVASTATED SEEING NEW OFFICIAL MERCH FROM A LOTTERY CELEBRATING NORAGAMI'S 10TH ANNIVERSARY LAST YEAR, AND THEY DONT ALLOW SELLING INTERNATIONALLY. cant believe its been possible that i can get it. i can even get official merch that were sold back in 2014. i'm waiting to see sellers selling the ones i like. arent they cute... i love adachitoka's illustrations and how they draw their beloved characters
btw, i attended that same anime convention my irl friends went to back in 2018—that was my first anime convention ever. it was also the first time i decided to do what i want myself. i went with an acquaintance i talked with often, didnt go with any of my irl friends at the time bc they couldnt afford to. almost all of them were far away, and their parents didnt allow it. it was very expensive for us 13-14 yr olds. i was only able to afford the opportunity bc of the anime club in my high school that paid it off, and they checked up on me and my acquaintance throughout the convention. plus, i was willing to use my many years of saved lunar new year and birthday money, i never knew what i wanted to use it for LOL. i found out one of my favorite artists would be at the con, and i wanted to buy their stuff. the artist alley was the one thing i cared about at the con & the reason i wanted to go. without artists there i dont think i wouldve been as enthusiastic. i was so so happy seeing and buying stuff i really liked!! it was the most freedom i ever felt.
my time at the convention was more memorable when i got to walk around downtown and see things out there myself, which ive never done. i had a lot of fun. i still feel bad about my acquaintance though, i felt like i dragged them around jfkdhjfkdj and apologized even though they didn't mind. it was their first time at an anime convention too, they just didnt have anything they wanted to do there particularly. other than being there with me T__T since none of their friends could go either.
hm, i remember how mad my parents were about taking me, they were petty every time they drove the two of us and i got yelled at every time i came back home from it. the convention wasn't far though, we live close to downtown where the convention took place. i didnt see why they would be irritated if they would just tell me, i only knew one reason which was the traffic on one day. at the time, they were even mad at simply picking me up and dropping me off at school.
i dont understand what exactly they were mad about me. they always said i was ungrateful and don't give anything to them in return. what did i do and what did they expect me to give? i could never get an overall reason bc every time i ask its a different reason from the last time i asked, or they just didn't answer my question. one time they said it was because i dont give them any money cuz i have so much saved up, when, they were the ones that gifted me my saved money in the first place. they act as if i work (I WAS 11 - 12 YRS OLD. OF COURSE I DONT). it frustrates me, they berate me about my wants and spendings throughout my years in middle to high school, that i barely ask or get anything for myself.
i think their mindset towards me came from their dislike of my attitude and stubbornness, they expect me to act a certain way and follow their decisions/expectations all the time. i was extremely unhappy when they want me to pretend to do things i dislike when they knew & see that. they were never satisfied with me. i barely ask them for things when i'm struggling, out of guilt and fear of them reprimanding me and taking away my things. nowadays it isn't like this anymore, and i definitely know it's because of my time away for university. the last time they got angry was my decisions about university, which i'm still SUPER pissed about along with everything they were angry at me those past years. the only reason i ended up agreeing with them was because at least i would be away from them, cuz i was tired of being miserable with them for years. being apart from my parents was probably the only solution i had to this, it forced them to mellow. it seems like they forgot all the anger and grudge they had towards me now. i'm just glad that's finally over, it still upsets me that i didnt enjoy things and go out when i wanted. i shouldnt have to be so scared of my parents as a kid.
yesterday marked a year since i created my site on neocities, hurray!! you know whats funny? i created this site on my half-birthday, makes this site feel even more special to me. i didnt publish anything in my site until the end of july though, so i like to think i can celebrate the one year 'till then.